Coping with the Cancer: Shock, Stress, Anxiety, Grief and Loss Page from The Cure Our Children Foundation

Lainie, Alon, Lilah and Barry Sugarman Alon Sugarman During Chemotherapy

 

In Honor of Alon Sugarman

This site maintained by Barry Sugarman, B.S.ENGR.
Father of Alon Sugarman, Diagnosed March 6, 1998
with Ewing's Sarcoma of the Distal Femur.
E-Mail to: barry@cureourchildren.org
 
 **This guide has been written for educational purposes only, it cannot be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or a disease. If you have or suspect that you or your child may have a health problem, you should consult your doctor.  Additionally, this site is not intended to provide legal advice or legal opinions.  If you need legal advice or opinions, please consult your attorney.** 

Original Article: How this Parent Copes with the Shock, Grief, and Anxiety

by Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk

    I refer to religious texts often, and my sons and I talk about them. One passage that gets me close to the Divine is 'The eye with which I see God is the eye with which God sees me.' This helps me remember my prayers will be heard.

    Sometimes it's hard to remember that there are ways of making yourself feel better. I was, indeed, frazzled, last night after getting home from hospital and couldn't think what to do with myself. So I checked my email and logged on the E-Sarc line. Just knowing it's there, no matter how I'm feeling, is a great comfort and source of support. Psychologically, it helped me to know that I could put my feelings into words and then LET GO OF THEM as I sent them to the group. 

    Aromatherapy has really kept me going. I find that specific blends of oils really help me feel at my best if I'm having a bath, and a massage from the skilled practitioner I've been going to for the last 5 years goes very far to relax, work through blockages, and energise. I know nothing about reiki, though it's become quite accepted in the UK as an alternative healing practice and is advertised in my GP's surgery. 

Here are some practical words of advice I've received from family and friends about what to do when you are by yourself and fighting worry, grief, confusion, and fatigue. (I've no doubt left out others!)

    1. Consciously take three long breaths every half-hour. Time yourself!
    2. Think about someone you love every half-hour. Visualise that person returning
        your love. Do not allow any other emotion to come into your vision.
    3. Think about someone who loves you every half-hour. Visualise yourself returning
        that love. Do not allow any other emotion to come into your vision.
    4. Go for a walk.
    5. Sing. (If you go for a long-enough walk, you can sing as loudly as you want and no
        one will hear you!)
    6. Listen to relaxation tapes or music you like.
    7. Cry.
    8. Play with your cat/dog/horse/hamster.
    9. Work in the garden.
    10. Do something for someone else you would like to have someone do for you.
    11. Say your prayers.
    12. Count your blessings.


Most of these work for me, and I hope they'll work for you.

With kind regards,

Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk
Falcon's Rest
29, College Hill Road
Harrow Weald,
Middlesex HA3 7HG
musical.infants@TALK21.COM

Member, The Ewing's Sarcoma Online Support Group
E-SARCOMA@LISTSERV.ACOR.ORG

And here is a picture of my son Gordon:

Samantha Kazarinov-Hawk was the inspiration for this page through here article above.  After I read the article, I was so moved, that I realized the value that this information would be for others.  Here is my own list on "How to Cope with Cancer in the Family"......Barry Sugarman, B.S.ENGR., President, The Cure Our Children Foundation:

    1) Observe nature's beauty: a sunset or sunrise, ocean, beach, lake, or stream.
    2) Meditate and Relax.
    3) Get a massage.
    4) Exercise: Ride a bike, run up and down flights of stairs.
    5) Speak with a close friend or someone else that you love on the phone or in person.
    6) Listen to some music.
    7) Take your mind off the situation: Television (no news shows), reading, working,
         writing.
    8) Buy some new clothes.
    9) Eat some extraordinarily good food.
    10) Listen to what others have to say and receive inspiration.
    11) Ask for the support of your community and your friends.
    12) Discuss your situation with others including your rabbi, priest, pastor.
    13) Spend quality time with your wife and your family.
    14) Surf the Internet and discover new things.  Try to learn information that will help
          yourself and others.
    15) Try to find and experience the beauty and humor in your situation and the people
          around you.

And, here are some additional resources for you:


Internet Resources on Coping with Cancer:
· National Cancer Institute Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 1-800-422-6237
· CancerSurvivors.org Emotional Coping Page, Phone 916-422-1587
· Shared Experience.org Page, Phone: 212-486-2715
· OncoChat.org, Phone: 718-392-3667
· Circle for Cancer Parents Web Ring
· American Cancer Society Coping with Cancer in Everyday Life Page
· Cancer.com Coping Page
· Oncolink Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 1-800-789-PENN
· Medline Plus Coping with Cancer Page
· Medical College of Wisconsin article "Coping with Childhood Cancer", Phone: 414-805-3666
· BioImmune Inc. Coping with Cancer Page, Phone: 888-663-8844 or 480-778-1618
· Families Coping with Cancer from Canceraction.org, Phone: 716-423-9700, Fax: 716-423-9072
· Coping with Cancer and Exercise Article from The Physician and Sportsmedicine

Internet Resources on Coping with Stress:
· Comprehensive Stress Management and Emotional Wellness Page, Phone: 406-657-2123        
            Email: Marketing@OptimalHealthConcepts.com
· PhenomenalWomen.com Stress Resources Page
          Email: webmaster@phenomenalWomen.com
· 10 Tips on Coping with Stress and Anxiety by Jeffrey S. Kaye, Ph.D., Phone: 415-362-8262,       
            E-mail: jsk@drjeffkaye.com 
· HolisticMed.com Stress Reduction Resources Page, Phone: 603-225-2110           
            Email:mgold@holisticmed.com 
· Netscape Stress Resources Page
· MedLine Plus Stress Page
· MentalHealth.com Stress Management Page
· Go.com Stress Management Resources Page
· About.com Stress Management Resources Page
· CareGuide Stress Reduction Techniques
· Exercise Reduces Stress, Here are exercise Links, Phone: 905-525-9140 x2232, Fax: 905-528-3733
· FitnessLinkPros.com, Phone: 503-641-1898
· Workout.com, Phone: 408-267-8301, Fax: 413-425-8485

Internet Resources on Coping with Anxiety:
· The Anxiety Network, Phone: 602-230-7316
· Anxiety Disorder Association of America, Phone: 301-231-9350, FAX: 301-231-7392
· National Institute of Mental Health, Phone: 301-443-4513; Fax: 301-443-4279 
· Doctor's Guide to Anxiety, Phone: 514-938-2600
· BuSpar Web Site, Phone: 212-546-4000
· The Anxiety Panic Internet Resource     Email: tapir@algy.com
· AnxietySelfHelp.com     Email: christine@globalfreeway.com.au
· EmotionToolKit.com,         Email:lisa@emotiontoolkit.com
· SelfHelpMagazine, Phone: 619-277-2772, FAX: 619-294-8181
· MentalHelp.Net,  Phone: 614-764-0143, Fax 614-764-0362
· SelfGrowth.com,  Phone: 732-761-9930, Fax 732-761-9950
· MindInfo.co.uk Anxiety Site, Email: mail@mindinfo.co.uk
· United Kingdom Patient UK Anxiety Site,  Phone: +44 (0) 191 261 2252, Fax +44 (0) 191 261 4452
· Dietary Supplement Kava Kava for Anxiety About.com Resources, Phone: 212-204-4000
               Fax: 212-204-1521    Whole Health MD Article   iHerb Article    Kava Medical Study
                 Green Earth Kava Info and Links     Additional Kava Links
· Dietary Supplement Theanine for Anxiety, Phone: 512-926-4900

Internet Resources on Coping with Depression:
· Depression-net.com
· Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association, Phone: 410-955-4647
· Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, Phone: 800-826-3632
· Royal College of Psychiatrists Depression Leaflets, Phone (United Kingdom): 011-44-020 7235 2351 x138
· DepNet.com, Email: info@depnet.com.au
· HealingWell.com Depression Resource Center
· Psychology Information Online Depression Resources, Phone: 908-526-8111 
· Oncolink Cancer Depression Mailing List
· Dietary Supplement St. John's Wort for DepressionAnxiety About.com Resources, Phone: 212-204-4000
               Fax: 212-204-1521    Whole Health MD Article   Healthwell.com Article   Complemed.com Info
                 Holistic-Online.com St. John's Wort Info     Herbs for Health St. John's Wort Links
· Alternative Treatments for Depression, Dr. Podell.org, Phone: 732-565-9224
· Yahoo's Mood Disorders Links
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.crisis
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.manic
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.seasonal
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.medication
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.recovery
· Newsgroup: alt.support.depression.teens
· Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.crisis
· Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.family
· Newsgroup: soc.support.depression.treatment

Internet Resources on Locating Mailing List, Newsboard, and Chat Support Groups:
· Search Yahoo Groups for Mailing Lists, Phone: 408-731-3300, FAX 408-731-3301
· Search CoolList.com for Mailing Lists
· Search Listserv Mailing Lists for Cancer Related Lists, Phone: 800-399-5449
· Topica, Search for Mailing Lists, Phone: 415-344-0800, 415-344-0900
· Search for Usenet Groups at Usenet Info Center Launch Pad
· Search for IRC Chat Rooms
· Search Discussion Groups at Google Groups

Internet Resources on Locating Traditional or Alternative Health Care Professionals:
· Find a Therapist.com, Phone: 800-865-0686,  602.294.6677, Fax: 602-265-5513
· 1-800-Therapist.com, Phone: 1-800-843-7274
· American Psychiatric Association, Phone: 888-357-7924, FAX 202-682-6850
· Locate a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Phone: 866-ASK-ABMS
· American Board of Professional Psychology, Phone: 573-634-5607, Fax: 573-634-7157
· American Counseling Association, Phone: 800-347-6647, FAX : 703-823-0252
· American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Phone: Phone: (202) 452-0109,
           Fax: (202) 223-2329
· American Psychological Association, Phone: 800-374-2721, 202-336-5500
· National Association of Social Workers, Phone: 800-638-8799
· Association of Oncology Social Workers, Phone: 847-375-4721, Fax: 847-375-6321
· American Association of Naturopathic Physicians, Phone: 703-610-9037, FAX 703-610-9005
· Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine, Phone: 416-498-1255, FAX: 416-498-1576
· Austrailian Traditional Medical Society, Phone: + 61-2-9809-6800, FAX: + 61-2-9809-7570
· Comprehensive Guide to Aromatherapy, Phone: +44-0-7931-534997, FAX: +44-0-0870-130-5791
· Atlantic Institute of Aromatherapy, Phone: 813-265-2222
· American Music Therapy Association, Phone: 301-589-3300, Fax: 301-589-5175
· American Dance Therapy Association, Phone: 410-997-4040, Fax: 4l0-997-4048
· American Art Therapy Association, Phone: 888-290-0878, Fax: 847-566-4580
· American Massage Therapy Association, Phone: 847-864-0123, Fax 847-864-1178
· American Association of Oriental Medicine (Acupuncture and Herbs), Phone: 888-500-7999,
            Fax: 610-264-2768
· National Certification Commission for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, Phone: 703-548-9004,
          Fax: 703-548-9079
· American Chiropractic Association, Phone: 800-986-4636,  Fax 703-243-2593
· Canadian Chiropractic Association, Phone: 1-800-668-2076, FAX: 416-781-7344
· Re-evaluation Couseling--Where Ordinary People Counsel Each Other, Phone 206-284-0311, FAX: 206-284-8429
· Dr. Bryan Knight's Hypnosis.org, Phone: 514-489-6733, FAX: 514-485-3828
· American Board of Hypnotherapy at Hypnosis.com, Phone: 800-872-9996, FAX: 714-245-9881
· Yahoo Hypnotherapy Resources
· Homeopathic Medical Association, Phone: UK: 01-474-327431, FAX: 01-474-560336
· Directory of Homeopathic Organizations, Phone: 914-436-6965, FAX: 914-791-5703
· HomeopathyHome.com, Phone: UK:+44-1223-574307, FAX: +44-1223-574307
· National Center for Homeopathy, Phone: 877-624-0613, Fax: 703-548-7792
· American Herbalists Guild, Phone: 435-722-8434, Fax: 435-722-8452
· European Herbal Practitioner's Association
· American Holistic Health Association, Phone: 714-779-6152
· American Association of Drugless Practioners,  Phone: 888-764-AADP
· Trancendental Meditation Program, Phone: 888-532-7686
· Applied Meditation Therapy, Phone/Fax: 707-794-9231
· Metivta-Jewish Meditation, Phone: 310-477-5370
· Biofeedback Network, Phone: 610-933-8145
· Therapeutic Recreation Association Directory, Phone: 304-599-6465, FAX: 304-599-6465
· Find a Massage Therapist, Phone: 847-864-0123, Fax: 847-864-1178
· Yoga Journal's Yoga Directory, Phone: 510-841-9200, FAX: 510-644-3101
· Directory of Tai Chi Schools and Resources, Phone: 800-948-1700, Fax: 847-679-2804

Internet Resources on Locating a Religious or Spirituality Counselor:
· Central Conference of American Rabbis, Reformed Judaism, Phone: 212-972-3636
· Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association, Phone: 215-576-5210, Fax: 215-576 8051
· International Association of Conservative Rabbis, Phone: 212-280-6000
· The Rabbinical Council of America Orthodox Rabbis, Phone: 212-807-7888, FAX: 212-727-8452
· Chabad Organization, Phone:  718-774-4000, Fax: 718-774-2718
· National Conference of Catholic Bishops/United States Catholic Conference, Phone: 202-541-3000
· National Association of Catholic Chaplains, Phone: 414-483-4898, Fax: 414-483-6712
· DioceseNet Directory of Catholic Church Diocese, Phone (Rome): 011-39- 06-6699491
· National Federation of Priest's Councils (Catholic), Phone: 312-226-3334, Fax: 312-829-8915
· Official Site of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon), Phone: 801-240-5698,
            FAX 801-537-0101
· MormonFind.com, Find Mormon Temples and Information, Phone: 801-891-4630
· American Baptist Churches USA, Phone: 800-ABC-3USA
· American Baptist Evangelicals, Phone: 877-223-8264
· Presbyterian Church USA, Phone: 888-728-7228, Fax: 502-569-5018
· Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Phone: 800-638-3522, Fax: 773-380-1465,
            TDD: 800/442-3522
· United Methodist Church, Phone: 615-742-5156, Fax: 615-742-5423
· Seventh Day Adventist Church, Phone: 301-680-6495, Fax: 301-680-6090
· DharmaNet International, Gateways to Buddhism, Email: dharma@dharmanet.org
· DharmaBase: A Comprehensive Buddhist Directory, Phone:925-689-7238, FAX: 925-689-7168
· World Wide Directory of Churches of Christ, Phone: 830-374-3936, FAX: 830-374-3039
· Net Ministries Church Directory for Numerous Denominations
· Yahoo Directory of all Religions, Phone: 408-731-3300, Fax: 408-731-3301

Internet Resources on Coping with Grief:
· GriefNet, Phone: 313-761-1960
· Tom Golden's Crisis, Grief and Healing Page, Phone: 301-670-1027
· Good Grief Groups.com, Phone: 770-977-6377, Fax: 770-926-3743
· The Centering Corporation, Great Books and Links, Phone: 402-553-1200, Fax: 402-553-0507
· WebHealing.com Links and Resources, Phone: 301-942-9192
· Hospice Foundation of America Grief Resource Page, Phone: 800-854-3402
· Grief and Loss Resource Center   Email: cef@rockies.net
· The Shiva Foundation, Phone: 505-757-8906, FAX: 505-757-8905
· Grief Inc., Links and Resources, Phone: 866-312-8970, FAX: 502-493-7291
· Grief Recovery Online for All Bereaved, Phone: 407-865-9249, FAX: 407-865-6179
· Compassionate Friends.org for loss of a Child, Phone: 281-491-1396, FAX: 281-491-1396
· Bereavement Magazine, Phone: 888-604-4673

This site last updated on December 1, 2003.